Platinum Synthetic's Sins

I don’t know how to say it, my brain is completely fried from over processing and traumatising myself over it. 

Let’s just say this kids, sometimes there’s the “rich” and “lucky” persons version of life and then there’s the “I’ve seen lives fall apart and cruel things happen” version. I seem to be filled of stories for the third category. 

Nothing good, nothing amazing, nothing breathtaking. Just loads of pain and reasons why I will continue to break the family cycle. If I explain my version and don’t even receive the decency of acknowledgement - or rather, long term acknowledgement, well the person can shove their opinions where the sun doesn’t shine. 

Some things may end up fun or exciting due to coincidence only. If you have a functioning brain (which I guess is debatable for all) some times, I’m not even saying all the time, but some of the time things happen by coincidence.  

The world still is full of acceptance, excuses and tolerance to horrible situations and horrible people.

Children are murdered by one parent simply to piss off the other one.

Woman are still being beaten because “they deserve it”.

Animals are being neglected and tortured because some people have no compassion while others have no comprehension of the responsibilities associated with owning a pet. Then there are also the ones who see animals as some sort of lower grade being so kicking them in the head is as natural as breathing to these low life’s.

Boundaries are crossed by arseholes who think they have earnt the right to do so because they got away with it last time. You know, those motherfuckers who test the water to see how far they can push someone, how much they can take advantage of someone - they usually are the first ones to cry into their glass of milk when it happens to then. 

The environmental damage because most people see them as the be all and end all of the world. They must feel the world should die because they believe they are entitled to consuming way past their appropriate allocation of resources and products. Because this generation is the only one which deserves to live on this planet? Future generations have to suffer with no or very little natural beauty because we need luxury above and beyond what the planet is capable of handling. 

All of these are reasons why I feel like I am from another planet.

Ok, it’s that time of year when I’m about to turn a whole new year old. What this means to me is another birthday where no one notices and when I usually getting violently sick with infections. I think about what’s happened, what’s happening and what I want to happen!

The last twelve months have been a combination of two very extremes. The first part of the year was full of disgust, alcohol, pain and stress. The latter part was filled with love, admiration, adoration and self control.

Today I have felt the rather annoying Cyclothymia interfere with my life, usually it’s happy to sit there in the background while being ignored. I was in a restaurant and my two main thoughts were I really need a fucking cigarette and a bottle of Scotch; the other was ‘wouldn’t it be cool to cover everyone in this room in blood’. I don’t want to kill myself, so very far from it, I think I’m one of only a small proportion of people who are actually worthy of living on this planet. I really wanted to stab myself in the throat and spray them all in my blood, I’m sure that would have ruined their incredibly mediocre night. Mediocrity is something that annoys me so much, the other main annoyance of mine in the people scale are the ones who don’t have faith in themselves. These people are usually wonderful, caring and spiritual. They can’t say what they want or need in the big picture without being under the influence of something. They can’t see how wonderful they are as all they see are their faults, yes, everyone has faults, the way to get around it is to accept you for who you are, minus the vices. How many times should I probably have been taken to hospital to have my stomach pumped from alcohol? Probably close to 20 times, do I miss alcohol, yes I do, would I in a heartbeat get trashed out of my skull and start throwing up for 2 days? Yes, because the lead up would be fun, not even necessarily fun from the perspective of an outsider, but to me I’d be having a ball. Do I acknowledge that it’s dangerous and stupid? Yes and I also know that alcohol stops me from fulfilling my potential. It’s the latter that concerns me.

This now leads me onto how much I disagree with “creative” substances, to me they are excuses and side tracking devices. I see it as a hinderance, the final product may be amazing but I see it as something that would be even better if it wasn’t created while the artist was off their face. So something is more inspiring when you’re on drugs? Well guess what my argument to that is? I’m pretty damn sure that my life would be a hell of a lot more exciting and inspirational if I had an armful of kittens or at the other extreme; a sexy mistress and a gimp following me around all day. Am I allowed that? No, I’m not. 

Why do I hate drugs so much? I was surrounded by drug addicts and drug dealers as a child. I had chemically “empowered” men sleazing onto me from the age of 10. When I was a whole year older, I was told how sexy my legs were, plus I was shown how to use different kinds of drug paraphernalia which I was told I could start using from age 15. I had to have feminine haircuts plus had to start shaving the moment that it was obvious that I had hit puberty. So drugs to me are linked to drug addicts which leads to child abuse and the sexualisation of children. Another favourite memory of being a child was being surrounded by adults who had less of an idea about things than I did. Some whom would shit their pants because their stomachs and guts couldn’t take what was being put into their system. I can’t even count the amount of times that someone around me was going to court but of course they were innocent and weren’t involved in any crimes or attacks. The police were going after them because they were respectable civilians who didn’t do anything wrong, yes definitely the case. 

The drug that I would love to get hooked on is heroin, not just because of the drug but also it’s administration… I’d have no problem being a heroin junky prostitute. All of my moral outrages would be dispelled by the heroin and if you have no moral outrages; prostitution with it’s money and lack of education and skills involved does make it look rather appealing.

So you’re probably asking me why I’m not doing it then? Well you see my moral outrages are stopping me from living that lifestyle, I love having a clean view on the world, I want to help the environment and less fortunate people. I have a wonderful partner who loves me very much and two gorgeous kitties. I love my position up here on top of the moral high ground, it’s very cosy and the view is constantly keeping me amused. Plus, I don’t want to shit myself or vomit on myself ever. In the almost unlikely event that I ever grow up, I’d like a daughter who I could help empower and teach to be a leader. 

So this leads me to thinking about what I currently want compared what I wanted and what is actually achievable in life. 

Money has always been the bane of my existence. When I was 23, I was $23 000 in debt, that debt was built up from getting pneumonia, being off work and then being made homeless. So without money being an issue, I’d currently be in the music industry. I’d be working for a record label or being a band manager and as my side project I’d own a venue with a little cute boutique shop underneath. Instead I’m working at a University on an Administration Application Service Desk. This is a building block that I definitely need to get past once out of debt.

This leads me to my commitment issues, I don’t follow anything through not because I don’t want to but because I usually get morally outraged. I started a Bachelor of Arts and got 2 months into it and decided that I disagreed with the entire principle of what they wanted me to learn and how they wanted to teach me. So I quit. I can hand make jewellery; however it takes more money and effort than people are willing to pay, so I stopped. I have wanted to write songs and sing since I was small child, I wrote pages and pages of song lyrics when I was a teenager and because my mother and step father had a horrible attitude towards me I threw them all away. The great advice I received as 19 year old from my mother was “Go out and get yourself pregnant!” She had no idea how to handle a music geek. All I wanted to do was spend my time enjoying things that I loved, people were definitely not on that list. One way or another something would stop my efforts midway, this is not going to happen anymore.

Another dream career of mine is to become a writer, move to a Norwegian forest where I’d be surrounded by snow, ice and fjords, in a one bedroom cottage with my cats. I enjoy my own company, if I could make clones of myself, I’d be friends with each one. This dream will need to be altered to include my partner as he’s not staying in Australia without me.

Since the likelihood of winning the lottery is not good, I think I’ll stick at my current job, continue to pay off my debt, save my pennies for travelling overseas and continue to obtain the correct mind frame for world domination through music. You never know, it may only take one song to have the whole world grasping for more. Positive thinking is the key. The creativity will fall into place once my surroundings and real life does. I’m here to change the world one way or another, I’m not existing I’m living my life!

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

This is something I’ve never actually thought about. 

I have a snow globe with an angel in it holding a cat. It’s very cute and serves no purpose whatsoever.